I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
