Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
