He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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