I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i think i have two assholes
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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