if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
In other news, I just burned my penis
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
