he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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