We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize