Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
