So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
