I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
