I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
