he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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