i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
