Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
