first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
