Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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