I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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