let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
