i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
