Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
