My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you didnt know i had herpes?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
