I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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