my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
