He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
