i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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