I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
