how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
