fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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