How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i think my cat just said my name.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
