come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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