i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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