i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
