If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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