Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
