I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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