I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
