Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
