Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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