Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
