he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
