if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
