Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
