Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
