You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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