Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
