so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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