I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
