No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
