I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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