I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Welp...herpes.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
