im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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