i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
