8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
