she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
