You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
