I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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