I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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