Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
