Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
