Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
