I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
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