I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
