I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
