my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
