It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
