instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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