i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
