You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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