I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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