Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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