2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Randomize
