your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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