Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
