Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
