oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
tonight lets celebrate not being married
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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