My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
