Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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