No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
