theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
