So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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