thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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