you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize