You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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