Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
