Just fell off a train. Bad.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
