so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
