I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize