my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
