I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
