I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
