That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
