The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
