He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize