don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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