your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
4 words: hood of his car
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize