Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
