Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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