pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We had to coat check the pizza.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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