if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
