I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
