you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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