So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
