Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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