shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
