is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just pee around me
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
