Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
