Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
