does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
