we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
