The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize