She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
