Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
